


How to Flirt Like a Total Loser

by noodlerdoodler



Series: Drabbles for Davekatweek [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Collegestuck, Humanstuck, M/M, it's also super short but I only had an hour to write, lame nerds being lame nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 22:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4683287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas is trying his hardest to keep his head down but this guy that sits behind him is seriously pissing him off.</p><p>Day One: Human!stuck</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Flirt Like a Total Loser

"Hey." 

Karkat was trying his fucking hardest to ignore the guy that was sat behind him, resting his feet on his chair. Seriously, he could smell this guy's feet and they smelt like a gym sock that had been rolled in rotten eggs and left in a dumpster for a week. His feet were resting right behind Karkat's head so he couldn't escape the smell. But Karkat couldn't turn around and give him the satisfaction of responding. He had done so well this year at not snapping at any idiots and he wanted to keep it that way. 

"Hey. Hey. Hey." 

He doesn't know what the hell the guy's problem is but for whatever reason, he's now kicking Karkat's chair with his stupid huge ass feet. Thump, thump, thump. Each knock makes Karkat jolt forward a little and makes him want to strangle the guy behind him more and more. He's seriously contemplating the easiest method of murder when the guy starts talking again. 

"Hey. Kid. Pay attention to me." 

He wants to turn around and scream that he isn't a goddamn kid; he's just really, really short. Abnormally short. He's short like "people ask if I want a kids menu when I'm in a restaurant" short and its eternally frustrating and he is not willing to take shit from this guy because of it. He's just trying to take notes here but apparently, that's far too much to ask. 

"Hey. Why're you ignorin' me?" 

The guy behind him has the most hideous drawling Texan accent that Karkat has ever heard. It's obnoxiously Texan and is so heavy that Karkat is half-convinced that the guy is faking it just to piss him off or something. His feet are still kicking against Karkat's chair and he swears to god, if that guy opens his ugly trap one more time- 

"Hey, hun, just turn around for a sec so I can get a look at cha. I wanna see the cute face that comes with the rest of the package." 

That's enough for Karkat, who does turn around and he turns so fast that he swears he gets whiplash or something. And he sees red- bright fucking traffic light red- and he starts screaming obscenities at the guy right there and then in a mix of English and Spanish. To his credit, the guy looks far from phased but that just pisses Karkat off more. 

"Stupid, _hijo de puta_ , just fuck off!" What the fuck is your fucking problem? What the hell do you want from me, _come mierda_?!" 

He realises as he's saying it that he, Karkat Vantas, just utterly flipped his shit midst college class and every single person in the room is now staring at him. Even the guy that he's yelling at is just staring at him and smirking smugly that he was able to earn such a reaction from him. Karkat feels like a total idiot for actually resorting to the kind of yelling he usually reserved only for shitty video games. 

"Fuck me..." Karkat rolled his eyes, his face still flaming with anger and humiliation as he shoves all his shit into his bag and stands up. Everybody is still staring at him, surprised to hear such a loud outburst mid-class from the small Hispanic guy. He's been doing his best to keep his temper under wraps here so he doesn't become the angry kid again- and he was doing so fucking well!- but looks like he fucked that up. Great. Just great. 

"Nice one, KK." Sollux says, as Karkat passes. Sollux fucking Captor is the biggest asshole that Karkat has ever met and now that he's got nothing to lose, he tells him so right then and there as he sweeps out of the room. He hears Captor yell a retort after him but he doesn't hang around to argue. He huffs and puffs his way out into the corridor and heads towards the courtyard.

"Hey!" 

Oh, god fucking damnit, it's _that_ guy again and he's standing in the corridor a few feet away from him. He's got a laptop tucked under his arm and from the looks of things, he hurried out of class after Karkat and now he's just standing there, staring at Karkat. With a scowl, Karkat narrows his eyes at him. 

"What the fuck do you want, assfuck?" 

"Jeez, man, calm your tits. I come in peace." 

"Yeah, well I don't. Consider this a siege." 

"Woah, don't be bringin' your siege into the kingdom of Strider." 

"Just fuck off, why don't you?" Karkat glowers at him but the guy doesn't so much as flinch and he isn't surprised. The other guy is much taller than him and when he approaches, Karkat suddenly feels a hell of a lot smaller and lot less attractive. Seriously, this guy is really attractive. But still a total fucking ass. A fucking giant attractive asshole- which is not a setence Karkat will ever repeat to anyone. 

"Nah, I like teasin' you." 

"You like getting a reaction from me." Karkat corrected. 

"Your mom teach you that one?" 

"Nah, your mama when I was in bed with her last night." 

"Wow, that was lame." 

Again, Karkat huffs and turns away from him to storm towards the courtyard. He heads through the open door and into the welcoming sunlight that seems to be constant at the moment. It's been a hot summer and its sticking around. Sticking being the key word because it won't be long until Karkat's sweater is clinging to him with sweat. Most people ditched sweaters for tank tops long ago but Karkat refuses to. He likes his sweaters. 

"I didn't even get to introduce myself." 

Fuck, the guy is _still_ following him!! Now, he's standing next to Karkat and staring up at the sky through his stupid sunglasses. Did Karkat mention that he was wearing sunglasses? He was wearing those fucking things indoors! Who the hell wears sunglasses indoors? Only absolute fucking douchebags that know they're absolute fucking douchebags. 

"You wanna introduce yourself to me, shithead?" 

"Yeah, I do. It's Dave Strider." 

"Dave Strider? Wow, you even _sound_ like a douchebag." 

"Thanks, I try. What's your name, hun?" 

"Stop calling me that." 

"Gimme your name and I'll stop, sweetie." 

He glares at him for a moment or two longer to wonder exactly what this guy wants from him. He already said that he enjoyed teasing him and getting a reaction out of him but what does knowing his name have anything to do with that? Why does he want Karkat's name? Oh, whatever the fuck, if it will get him to leave him alone, he'll do anything. 

"It's Karkat. Karkat Vantas. Can you go rub your weird metaphorical hate boner elsewhere?" 

"Who said it's a hate boner? Or metaphorical for that matter?" 

Dave waggles his eyebrows at Karkat in a way that makes him want to punch the stupid guy in the face. This guy is a total fucking douchebag. Why won't he just fuck off and leave Karkat the hell alone? Why does he have to stick around and keep shoving his idiotic remarks in Karkat's face? What is he getting from this? 

"Do I need to determine the meaning of fuck off for you?" 

"I know what it means." 

"Fuck off, then!" 

"I knew you weren't as quiet as you made out to everyone." 

"What?" 

There's no way that this idiot that sits behind him in one class, once or twice a week could have noticed that Karkat has been purposely been keeping his head down. Hell, even Sollux who spends all his time- well, all the time that Sollux isn't slobbering over his roommate- with Karkat hasn't noticed how strangely quiet he is in class. At least, he's never commented on it or anything. 

"Dude, all year you've been keeping your head down. At first, I had you pegged as just being some loser but now I know. You're a total potty mouth. You're just trying to hide it and keep your cool." 

"I'm _honoured_ that you paid so much attention to me." It's mainly sarcasm. 

"Yeah, well, you're cute." 

For the first time since they started talking, Dave actually looks vaguely flustered like somewhere along the lines he forgot his cool kid persona. Like he forgot he had to be cool for a second there. His dark skinned cheeks flush red for a fraction of a second and it's so brief that it leaves Karkat wondering if he just imagined it. 

"Real degrading, thanks." There's nothing worse than being called cute when you vaguely resemble a thirteen year old pre-growth spurt. The only thing that did mature was Karkat's voice, which even now is vaguely growly like it's still mid-break or something. It's fucking humiliating. He rolls his eyes and turns to walk away. He's given this asscrack more than enough of his time and doesn't intend to give him anymore. 

"Where are you going?"

"Back to my dorm. Is that a problem?" 

"Which dorm are you in?" 

"Why do you care?"

"Well, I need to know where to pick you up for our date."

Wondering if he even heard that correctly, Karkat freezes up right where he is but doesn't turn to look at the idiot. Either he misheard or Dave is just really, really, really stupid. Seriously, Karkat didn't think there was anybody dumber than his stoner of a roommate but it seems like Strider takes the prize here. _Congratulations, Dave Strider, the dumbest person ever award goes to you!_

"I didn't agree to a fucking date." 

"Nope. But we're going on one. I want to hear all about the shit you've been hiding away, Kitkat." 

"You are worryingly cool for somebody asking a guy out." 

"I'm always worryingly cool. Gotta keep up appearances." 

There's a long pause as Karkat turns and slopes back over to Dave, who looks incredibly pleased with himself. It's actually kind of cute once Karkat stops thinking about what an asshole he is. Dave's certainly good looking but when he looks proud like that... Fuck, Karkat is turning into one of his rom-com stars. He shouldn't even be thinking of this guy as attractive or cute or anything. 

"Are you really asking me out?" 

"Yep. What, are you accepting my invitation?" 

"That depends; are you going to kick the back of my chair the whole time?" 

That manages to earn him a toothy grin from the other male, who loses his stoic composure again for just about half a second. Dave's teeth look incredibly white against his dark skin and it makes him look less like an asshole and more like somebody that Karkat would very much like to kiss right now. Fuck. Oh, fuck, Karkat is all but falling apart at the seams the longer he looks at this guy. 

"Only to get a reaction out of you." 

"You are terrible at flirting, Dave Strider." 

"I'm hurt, Karkles. Really hurt." He puts one hand to his heart and feigns pain there, "Seriously, when should I pick you up?" 

"I didn't say yes yet, _hijo de puta_." 

"Say yes, then." 

"Fuck off." 

There's a long pause between them; Karkat just glares up at Dave and the guy stares back down at him with little to no expression on his face. It's really incredible that he can keep up his poker face semi-permanently. Then, his stoic expression dissolves and he grins at Karkat again. Karkat thinks he might be having a heart attack or something; his chest hurts, his stomach hurts, he's sweating. Fuck, he's either dying or turned on. 

"I'll take that as a yes. I'll come find you around six." 

".... Six is good for me." Karkat relents, "Dress nice, Strider. Take me somewhere super lame just like you."

"Somewhere super cool just like me, you mean?" 

"Yeah, super lame, that's exactly what I just said, _come mierda_."


End file.
